Loss

'I know that my Redeemer liveth. And that He shall stand at the last day upon the earth. And though man destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see G-d.' ><> Job 19:25-26

Are you familiar with the story of Job? He was known as a faithful man, one who honored and obeyed and worshipped the Lord. One who led a good life. One who cared for his family and his neighbor.

And yet, this man experienced great suffering of body, mind and soul as he encountered death, disease and abandonment.

What do we take from Job? What do we do with his story? How do we make sense of G-d allowing such suffering as his to occur?

Some days I am overwhelmed with loss, overwhelmed by the pain and struggle and suffering of those around me. Pictured above you will see my dear friend Phillip Berg holding his sweet little baby girl, Anna. Anna is now about 8 months old. She has an older sister, Sarah (2); three older brothers, Nathan (3), Adam (5) and Asher (6); and a wonderful, loving mother, Martha.

I came to know Martha, Phil, Asher and Adam 5 years ago when I was a student at Jerusalem University College in Jerusalem. Phil and Martha constantly opened their home to students and visitors. Phil had lived in Israel for over 20 years and Martha about 10 years. They speak Hebrew, Phil speaks Arabic... they were always eager to help us feel at home, always ready to make our lives enjoyable and light, even when the political situation felt distressing and heavy.

Phil and Martha work for an organization called Shevet Achim (which means Light to the Nations in Hebrew). This group brings Palestinian and Arab children into Israeli hospitals so that Israeli doctors can perform complex and often life-saving surgeries on the kids, who might not have access to such healthcare in their own countries. Many children's lives have been saved through this organization. If you would like to read more about it, please go to www.shevetachim.org

Phil and Martha are heroes to me... people I love to be around because they teach you how to love in the way they extend love and hospitality to you. In their relationship with each other, in the way they raise their children, and in the way they open their home... they make you believe in the power of love... in the selfless everyday moments of sacrifice they give to each other and to all they encounter... they show you the face of G-d each time they embrace each other and you with their eyes, with their smiles...

When you see true love, when you watch it unfold between two people and when you see them love up their children in that love... you know you are in the presence of something holy, something bigger than yourself, something bigger even than Phil and Martha.

As sweet little baby Anna is growing more and more each day, she often looks at you with the eyes of her mother and the smile of her father... And as she grows, her big brothers are learning to care for her... They are learning with each passing day that they must now care for their darling mother as well.

You see, Phil has traveled on... Phil has returned to the love that once gave him life... and left behind to carry on his memory are five beautiful children and one precious wife.

This family is in the center of loss. And because of the way Phil and Martha invited me in during his life, I cannot help but enter even now with Martha and the children after Phil's death.

And I find myself wondering, what do we do now? What do we hope in now? Will we ever move past loss? Will we ever even want to?

I suppose for me, Job represents loss. I am not sure that Job represents much more. Sure, in the end his fortune and family are restored... but after reading Job, that return of riches and family does not leave me feeling reassured.

Job teaches me that even these things can be taken away, can be lost... perhaps are certain to be lost in the end.

So, here we sit. Waiting, watching, trying desperately to remember Phil and the love that he and Martha shared. We mourn. We cry. We protest in vain. Yet sitting with this loss is what we will do. We will not give up hope - for Phil's example of extending G-d's love does not allow us to be complacent.

For even as we sit in silence and sadness we remember this hope... and small though it may feel at times, we will always always know it to be true:

I know that my Redeemer liveth. And that He shall stand onthe last day upon the earth. And though man destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see G-d..... For now is Christ risen, the first fruits of them that sleep.

Every time sweet Anna smiles, every time Sarah asks to read a book, every time Nate looks shy, every time Adam gets serious and takes care of everyone else, every time Asher speaks of Phil's memory, every time Martha's eyes shine in happy bittersweet kindness... every time, we will remember Phil... we will remember G-d's love... and we will not give up hope.

Pictures from Ramallah Women's Parade

Groovy Palestinian women holding an enormous Palestinian flag (reminds me of the parachute game in PE at Cordova Park! :)




Here is an entirely too close picture of me and Lucy, and some of the women in the parade in Ramallah.

Wow - talk about getting involved. They gave me a sign to hold in the Women's Parade. Lucy assured me that it was a sign for democracy and women's rights, etc. I hope she is right, or I might never be able to run for President. :)

Did you know...

Did you know that today is International Women's Day?

Did you know that in Palestine, women and most school children are given the day off from work and school?

Yesterday I joined hundreds of women (and a few men) of all ages in a parade and festival to celebrate women. We walked through the streets of Ramallah with women chanting everything from, 'No to polygamy! No to Hamas!' to 'Long live Abu Ammar' (late President Arafat).

Old women in traditional Palestinian dress held signs with young women in jeans and t-shirts. Women covered from head to foot held hands with those who reject the veil. Women who are likely one of several wives joined voices with women who oppose the tradition of a man having more than one wife.

It was truly a fascinating day. We walked through the streets together and then to the compound where Mahmoud Abbas lives. This is also were former President Arafat is buried. We saw Hanan Ashrawi chanting with her compatriots. And we even saw a man from Hamas marching with the women. (However, my friend Lucy told me that just when a woman was leading a chant about 'no to polygamy,' this man leaned over and said something to the effect of, 'you know that is a really inappropriate thing to say.' HA!)

Yet this is the way of things in Palestine. The ride to Ramallah, which should have taken about 30 minutes, took us close to 2 hours. On the way we passed through several cities that have been cut in half by the Separation Wall. While in Ramallah, I felt a mixture of pride (walking alongside strong, united women) and more anger (upon hearing what some of the men were saying), I must say that the way of things in Palestine (for me) is often extreme.

I will feel exuberant and alive one minute, frustrated and despairing the next.

After a day like yesterday though, I find hope and strength from the women of Palestine. Many mothers were attending this parade with their children, strollers and diaper bag in tow. The women here are stronger than I could ever imagine myself to be. They care for their families. They educate their children. They work outside the home. Some of them share households with other wives and other families.

In attempting to refrain from judgment of the woman's role in Palestine, I am left with the image of a woman veiled and smiling... triumphant and proud... holding hands with an unveiled woman who shares the same proud smile. They are daughters, they are sisters, they are wives, mothers, and friends... and to me they are the true heroes of Palestine.

Peace to you all, and especially the women in your lives,
Ashley

Snapshot 1

They say that if you come to Palestine for one week you can write a book.
If you come for one month you can write an article.
But if you stay any longer than that, you can’t write anything.
Oh, how I identify with this notion these days! It is not so much that I am in a writing slump, as it is that I do not know where to begin. I attempted the other day to write about a recent reflection we had in our weekly staff time. But I totally derailed and began speaking of other things… so in the next few moments, I will attempt to stay focused on just one topic. It is my hope that this will result in numerous, SHORTER postings (much to my brother’s delight). So, here’s to brevity and all that it could do for a verbose person such as myself.

A visit to the mall:
Last Sunday a good friend called and asked if I would like to go to the mall with her. Now, normally I do not very much enjoy the mall in Jerusalem. It is massive, and many days it is insanely crowded. Another friend of mine had her car stolen there a few months ago, and the security people were… well, let’s just say they were there.
But this girl is a friend who has lived in Bethlehem her whole life and recently received a work permit to travel into Jerusalem. Now, Jerusalem is about 5 miles from Bethlehem, but it may as well be another country if you are a Palestinian resident of Bethlehem without a Jerusalem ID card or work permit. My friend doesn’t really have any Palestinian friends with permits to travel into Jerusalem so she asked if I would go with her for some fun time at the mall.
When we left the checkpoint area, she said, ‘The air is different here. I already feel I am in a different world.’ We were walking on a very lonely, yet open stretch of highway… the walk of the in-between. In-between people who are in between worlds are the only ones who traverse this road. We hailed a cab and made it safely to the mall. When we arrived at the 3-story shrine to commercialism (J), I asked her what she was thinking/how she was feeling. She replied, ‘I am sad and happy all at the same time. It is good to get out. It is good to do something different, to see something new. I feel like a normal person here, doing normal things with other normal people. But somehow it is not quite normal… Can you imagine such a place as this in Bethlehem?! I am sad for my people because they cannot experience this….’

The mall.
All of this emotion and feeling in one young woman. And we were at the mall.

Oh, how I am constantly checking my pride at the door when I spend time with the people of this land. I take for granted the privileges of working, of walking where I want, of entering the places of which I dream to go, of finding space to relax and breathe in and out the air of freedom.

There are no malls in Bethlehem. There are relatively few places one can go to get away from stress and noise and walls. I do not love the mall, yet it gives a young Palestinian woman a break from the drone of a stressful life behind a wall.

My friend helps me remember to find joy and fun in the little gifts, the little pleasures of life. Perhaps it is a walk on the beach for you, or going to visit a foreign country, perhaps it is spending time with friends in noisy and exciting cities… whatever it is the brings you joy… whatever place it is where you feel free… breathe the air deeply and remember those who would dream of sharing that space and that time with you one day.

Peace,
Ashley