Learning to start

Well, I leave in less than two weeks, and I am starting to get really excited again. I went through a period of pretty intense anxiety a few weeks ago. I am glad to say that my nerves have calmed significantly.

I spoke with some people at church last night, and it felt really good to say out loud to a large group of people that I really believe G-d is calling me to spend time with the people in Palestine and Israel. It is good to be reminded that when I was there 5 years ago, I went through a significant experience. One that has not let go of me. One that I am not letting go of either.

It is wonderful and terrifying all at the same time to think that perhaps I am starting out on a path I have dreamed about for the past 4 years. Ever since I returned from Jerusalem, I have wanted to go back. But somehow it still seems almost surreal that it should be working out. It is too wonderful to believe at times. At other times, I think I must be insane to want to go back there.

But sometimes a place and people just become a part of you. A part of who you are. I am made up of so many different people, so many different places. I find it humbling and amazing the way even a brief encounter with a person or a place can take up residence in my heart, my memory, even my personality.

And I know that my time in Bethlehem will only mean adding more people, more places to who I am.

So here I go. Learning to start. Learning to start all over again. Grateful and scared, timid and bold, faithful and falling. The good news is that if I trip one too many times, I can always start running and fool people into thinking I fell on purpose. :) (that is a comment for mom and dad, and anyone who has seen ellen degeneres live).